I have a huge secret. Well... actually, I have several huge secrets, but let's ration my crazy to one blog at a time for more juicy materials in the long run. That way it's beneficial to all parties: I'll have more to write about and you'll feel better about yourself for being less of a … Continue reading I love (the idea of) you →

What type of a guy are you looking for? "No serial killers, because the bar is most definitely on the floor at the moment." Someone must have thrown the bar down the moldy basement in a moment of pure frustration. They must have stomped on, and screamed at it in a rage after going on … Continue reading Never Date A Drummer →

Welcome to a special edition of The Married Girl On Bumble! Today, you'll get on a magic bus to take a peek through my past! So sit back, relax and wave "hello" to my insecurities as we pass them by! Fine print: *If you're a typical Persian guy, this post will likely offend you. If … Continue reading The “F” Word →

How do you know if you need therapy after a miserable marriage? Asking for a friend... My bank account says I'm not damaged, don't need therapy, and to sit my butt down and live my life to the fullest. It's also telling me to only buy avocados when they're on sale. It's one of the … Continue reading The Me Project →

I knew my marriage was over way before I moved out with a suitcase full of my clothes. In fact, that suitcase had been sitting in the corner of my room for weeks - taunting me, begging me to make a decision. As it stared at me from the corner of my bed every night, I could … Continue reading Let’s Talk! →

When I first started dating, I was a total amateur. I thought that made me charming - I was innocently batting my eyelashes, saying "I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm just being myself." Ugh.. HUGE mistake! We're all a little psycho so it's best to keep it on the DL and not … Continue reading From an amateur to… less of an amateur?! →

This post might feel a bit ramble-on-y and less funny than my other posts. So I've decided to use Micheal Scott gifs to punch some life into it. Wow this is a horrible way to start a blog... You can't be The Married Girl on Bumble and not write about your marriage. I mean.. you … Continue reading There is a blog in this… →

when the first season of The Bachelor came out, I didn't know enough English to watch it and be able to follow the story. By the time the second season had rolled out, I had become an angsty teenager with an attitude and a better vocabulary. I watched the show religiously, and by that I … Continue reading Accept my rose dammit! →

I've never lived on my own. Traditionally, Iranian parents have had a hard time letting go of their grown-ass kids. They spoil and smother you to death until one day you're 30 years old, have a date (but your favorite red H&M T-shirt has a pizza stain on it) and need to learn how to do … Continue reading Venturing out on my own(ish) →

Here is a top 10 list of all the things that go through my filter before I'm conveniently ghosted by you: - I AM IMMEDIATELY SWIPING LEFT: If your profile bio says "38 countries and counting". How in the hell can you afford to travel so much? Who approves your time off? Are you a … Continue reading Profile Pet Peeves →