When I first started dating, I was a total amateur. I thought that made me charming – I was innocently batting my eyelashes, saying “I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m just being myself.” Ugh.. HUGE mistake!
We’re all a little psycho so it’s best to keep it on the DL and not show your true colors – that’s what best friends are for! (s/o to my girls who know my deepest, darkest secrets, read my screenshots and know how insane I am, but still want to hang out with me all the time xo).
I’m very open about sharing my dating experiences (writing a blog helps. Who knew?). And I love talking to people about their issues and concerns when it comes to dating apps. I often hear the same thing: that no one really knows what they’re doing or what the rules are – but let’s face it, there are a few things that are just common sense and you should know.
I once texted a guy after a first date and said “I really like you”- because I had no idea what the fuck I was doing.
I once texted a guy after a first date and told him “I kinda want to delete my dating apps because you’re so GREAT.” Yup… Go ahead and judge me. I deserve it.
I once texted a guy A MILLION TIMES after a first date, asking him to “pay attention to me” and couldn’t register the fact that he was trying to ghost me. The great thing is that I often see him at various parties and events! #painful
I’ve done a number of embarrassing things that are so cringe-worthy you’d probably want to give me a hug and say “oh, honey!”
In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
So yeah … Skills are important. None of the above examples are “cute”. They’re pathetic and kinda sad.
But I think I’m getting the hang of it, and here’s my advice: Don’t quite be yourself. Have less faith in humanity. Don’t be so hopeful if a date goes well. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
I am the kind of person that needs constant attention and validation (the amount of selfies on my Instagram will prove this). But the truth is, no one wants to invest that sort of time in anybody anymore. I often find people in my age range are mostly just coming out of serious relationships; they were either married, engaged or dated for a few years, and now just want to enjoy their “freedom”. After a failed relationship, you become more cynical and waaay more selfish – and rightfully so!
Personally, I don’t think I have ever been this selfish in my entire life: it’s all about me. It’s all about what I think I deserve. It’s all about having control and power over my own emotions. It’s all about games and politics. It’s a battle of the egos. There’s no real need to commit, to go out of your way, to spend your precious time, money or other resources on a person who may not be there tomorrow. You’ve done that before, and look where that got you… you’re on dating Apps!
Whoa… that got a bit intense. Back to dating skills:
As I said before, I think I finally know what I’m doing – or at least I haven’t fucked up in a couple of weeks, so now I must be an expert.
Don’t over text! As cute as it is to get those “good morning/ whatchu up to / how’s your day/ goodnight” texts, they get so redundant and boring after like 2 days. If you want to keep the back and forth banter going without getting stuck in this boring hell, find other ways to communicate!
For example – and this is super random and sorta embarrassing, but I have an inside joke with one of the guys I’m dating about goats (yes, like the actual animal). Every couple of days, I send him funny goat facts instead of the usual good morning text! I’m also following a goat account on Instagram and sometimes send him funny pictures with a cute little “have a good day” message. As a result, I now have 5 goat accounts following me… but I think it’s worth it.
Read books, watch documentaries, travel and experience different things – obviously don’t just do this so you can talk about it on a date (because that would be fucking insane), but do exciting/ unique things that add value and depth to your personality. I recently took an Improv class. I’m reading non-conventional self-help books, and have a number of goat facts memorized- and that’s my way of becoming a little less boring.
Finding yourself is overrated. Finding happiness is overrated. Happily Ever Afters are overrated. Just grow, learn, and have fun – and if you fall in love during the process then you’ve achieved greatness! #Cheesyendingsforthewin
The Married Girl On Bumble 