There is an unbelievable amount of pressure placed on “no pressure” dates.
The first couple of times I went out, I tried. With cute summer dresses and heels, extra bit of make-up, and my oldest and closest companion: anxiety. But as you go on more and more dates and die a little bit more inside, you care less – the way you do with everything else after a while (except your job obviously. Shout out to all my coworkers and my boss who read my blogs!!).
As soon as you show a tiny glimpse of hope or interest, the other person is looking around for the nearest exit, because naturally they bring their oldest and closest companion along. So if it looks like you put a tad more effort into it than you should have, you’ve got a runner!
Here’s a story about how I unintentionally and clueless-ly did everything wrong on a date, by putting a whisper of pressure on it: a poke, if you will.
Mistake Number 1: Going out on Valentine’s Day.
It was a crazy week at work and we had clients and guests visiting the office. Every single night of Valentine’s Week was booked off for some sort of work-related event, and the only day I was available to go out was on Valentine’s Day. I had been on two great dates with a cute, funny guy and really wanted to see where it would go next. So we both decided that this wasn’t going to be a Valentine’s Day date: it would be a date on a random Wednesday: super cas (like casual but shortened to feel more cas). NO PRESSURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mistake Number 2: My outfit
This was totally unintentional. I had a work event at the office and we were all wearing matching shirts that day. I thought I’d run to H&M at lunch and grab a cute shirt/sweater to wear to my date. I found the cutest red T-shirt with two BIG, SPARKLY hearts on the front: the kind you’d wear ironically on V day after a few years of being with your partner. It was on sale and I look really damn good in red, so I bought it.
Exhibit A:
Mistake Number 3: Making a big deal out of/ mentioning Valentine’s Day
I arrive at my date and take off my jacket. It may have been the way the light hit the cheap sequence on my shirt that made it look like I’d brought Cupid along with me, but what I did next will surprise you! I gave him a big hug and wished him a Happy Valentine’s Day (the equivalence of leaving something in the pressure cooker for 18 hours). Immediately I can hear sirens going off in this guy’s head: She’s fucking insane. I THOUGHT WE SAID NO PRESSURE! He casually (important word) mentioned something about his friends thinking it was odd to have a 3rd date on V-Day, but we’d said NO PRESSURE, so there was NO PRESSURE.
“Haha”… We both laugh awkwardly.
Sitting next to each other, eating pizza and watching a movie, with our crippling anxieties side by side, I could sense he had already checked out. On some level we both knew this would be the last time we’d see each other.
It took less than 24 hours for him to send out that difficult text, saying it didn’t feel right in his gut (yes, I got dumped a day after V Day for not following simple instructions) and would like to stay friends. I was crushed – mostly because I cannot take criticism well, have attachment issues and can’t stand rejection, but to my surprise we’re still friends to this day. Although it’s only been like 2 months (that’s like 14 months in dating years) we text everyday and tag each other in memes, so all in all, not the worst.
My advice was in the title all along. You didn’t even need to read this whole thing. #chillout #peaceout ✌
The Married Girl On Bumble 
I’m no where to give an advice, buttt I’ll tell you my opinion without you asking for it. Ugh sorry. Rude of me.
I think you are putting so much pressure on yourself. Not the guy. Just yourself.
Think of this…. when you are on the train, do you just close your eyes until you get to the destination??
Sometimes the path is a lot prettier than the destination. If you are only looking for the results, you will be disappointed! 😞 Trust me. I have made that mistake on many many things.
I am not saying don’t take your dates serious, but have fun…. don’t think of babies or weddings….
I am officially 30, been married and I’m no where close to being ready to have kids. I was having a complete melt down on my last night of being 29 years old. Thinking omg I just don’t want to turn 30. I’m not ready to be a mom.
Then I met a couple. The wife was gorgeous and fit as hell. They have a 2 year old and I found out she was 45. I was sooo relieved… Now I know I have time. Maybe another 7-8 years or even a decade.
And, one more suggestion…this is a wired one… but try it.
Go on a date with a guy, without telling your close friends. After the fourth one, tell them. The less people know about the date, the less pressure you feel…
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Hi Mora! Advice is ALWAYS welcomed!! I think so too – I think I need to take it a bit more easy. It’s just that I’m an open person and LOVE to share (clearly… writing a blog about my life for the whole world to see). I totally get where you’re coming from. There’s pressure from everywhere. Life feels like a competition and all we seem to care about is winning, not enjoying the ride. I wish you all the luck in the world. You do you and do things at your own pace. Just be true to yourself and your needs ❤
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