Chemistry

“So… how did it go last night??”

“Ugh. Horrible. We had absolutely NO chemistry! I can’t believe I paid 50 dollars for an Uber ride home after that awful date!”

A couple of months ago I went on a date that was SO boring, I NEVER thought I would actually write about it. It was the most dull, lifeless date I had ever been on. If I were to compare it to food, it’d be like stale bread and lukewarm water. It felt so painfully long that I had flashbacks to my university chemistry classes where I would daydream about being on roller coasters instead of sitting in class talking about “carbon compounds” and “mols” *cringe*.

“Oh that’s nice… At least you occupied your mind with EXCITING things like theme parks and imaginary adventure!” – you might say.

I am terrified of roller coasters, so this was more of an existential game of “what shittier place would you rather be suffering in pain and anxiety than be in this class right now?”Thankfully, I came to my senses after a year of this misery. The peer pressure of hanging out with Persians and having to become a doctor or lawyer got outweighed by how much I hated my life as a science major, and I decided to study English instead, in the hopes of becoming a writer one day. I mean… technically… Never-mind.

But I want to talk about Chemistry (the good kind, not the kind I got C-‘s for in University and made me want to quit school to work at a fast food chain restaurant for the rest of my life).

How do we define chemistry? And more importantly, does it have to be natural or can it be created? And how does it relate to compatibility?

Those aren’t all rhetorical questions (using my English Major skills here guys). I did the bare minimum amount of research required and looked up “chemistry” on dictionary.com. The inter-webs defines it as:

“The complex emotional or psychological interaction between two people.” Hmm… To be honest, I think that’s a little vague – unless your’e currently with someone and you have MAD chemistry and everything in that sentence makes total sense!

I’m sorta with you on that… 😉

“Toos, what’re you looking for in a guy?”

-“That’s a tough question. I don’t really know. I can only make stupid jokes when someone asks me that”

“You’re just looking for someone who can make you laugh”

This was one of the most honest and raw conversation I’ve ever had with one of my best friends at work during a smoking break.

Then it clicked!

And that’s how I’ve come to define chemistry for myself. If you can make me laugh, then chances are that I’m already a little in love with you. Chemistry is also probably all that boring stuff like the hormones in your body, and the biological tendencies and instincts. It’s the sexual attraction, the pheromones, and your sub-conscious mind thinking whether or not he/she will make a good co-parent for your future babies (this is based on science. Read “Animal” by Sara Pascoe if you want ALL the fucking answers).

Chemistry NEEDS to be felt by both parties – yes, one person will like the other one more (as always is the case in any given relationship), but overall, there needs to be a mutual understanding and reaction. Sometimes chemistry is packaged nicely in a box of butterflies that go freaking ape-shit in your stomach. Sometimes it  comes in nonsensical late-night conversations that you wouldn’t change for the world. Sometimes it’s your heart beating like you’ve done 30 seconds of cardio, and sometimes it just feels “like home”.

You cannot force chemistry though – believe me I’ve tried! Sitting in a poorly lit bar somewhere on Queen street East, I gently tap the table with my fingernails to calm the nerves. I’m sipping on a glass of 7% cider on an empty stomach, trying to think of the most commonly asked questions on first dates. FAVORITE MOVIE. FAVORITE BAND. SPORTS. YOUR JOB. FAMILY. BACKGROUND. But also not giving enough fucks to listen to his answers… Lots of awkward silences follow. Then he looks at the liquid in my tall glass which still has AT LEAST 4.5 sips left and asks “Are you done with that?”

You know there’s no chemistry when you don’t even finish your first fucking drink!! We exit the bar like we’ve been held hostages for the last 50 minutes. As I eagerly ordered my Uber (I would have paid ANYTHING at that moment to just go home), I politely told him he doesn’t have to wait the 2 minutes with me.

“Cool! Have a goodnight.”

As I watch him leave, I giggle to myself and the absurdity of this one-night-wonder. As I’m waiting alone on the curb for my ride to arrive, I take a deep breath and I think “I wonder if a root-canal would have been less painful”.